How To Get What You Want

It’s been full, exciting, and uncertain over the past couple of months. Over the past 6, I’ve been working to carve out a specific outcome for my coaching practice. I’ve been expecting that my career path head in a very specific (and narrow) direction and just last week, I’ve had to face the reality that it’s not going to. This particular opportunity requires my 100% presence in San Francisco. While I was hopeful, it’s just not possible as a wife and mom of two littles doing a majority of the day-to-day in Sacramento.

Sigh. All good. I’ve since sobered up to see the always on purpose-fulness of this. And interestingly, a day after I had to face the facts, an even more enthralling opportunity has emerged that’s just as exciting, if not more so, than what I was originally shooting for.

So while this new opportunity is fresh and gaining momentum, I’m also sitting with and reflecting on recent events.

Why do we want what we want?

More importantly – how do we get it?

We have desires and we have goals. Many of us hold this idea that there are certain things out there that if we had them we’d be happier.

But here’s the truth – there is no thing, person, situation, or environment OUT THERE that is the cause of our happiness. And it’s not the lack of the thing that’s causing unhappiness.

Let’s be clear.

When we want something it’s because we think it’s going to make us FEEL a certain way.

We transfer this desired feeling to a thing and think that’s what where it’s at. We spend all this effort going after it – sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t. In either case, we’re eventually left feeling empty and then we’re onto the next. Why? Because we’re mistaken about what we ultimately want… a feeling and not a thing.

So, here’s a possible way to get what you want:

Ask: What feeling am I expecting by fulfilling this desire?

Is it excitement, fun, freedom, or peace? Maybe it’s belonging, feeling special, or even love. When we want something, it’s the emotional state we’re after – not the thing. When we can get real with ourselves and figure out what we’re ultimately wanting to feel, the thing starts to lose some of its importance.

Ask: How can I feel that NOW?

Many times we feel less fulfilled than we could simply because we’re not focusing the right way. Focus is everything. What we focus on determines the thoughts we think. Those thoughts contribute to our emotional reality. Focusing on lack creates feelings of emptiness and longing. Focusing on gratitude creates joy and abundance. By finding spaces where our desired feeling exists already (even in the smallest form), we can harness and grow it deliberately and prevent a wild goose chase.

If we can shift the importance we place on “the thing” to our desired feeling as priority, everything changes. It’s easier to see new possibilities and seize more opportunities because our horizon is widened.

At the end of the day, it’s harder to affect circumstances and other people than to be deliberate about the thoughts you think and feelings you nurture. You can have everything you ultimately want just by claiming the feeling right now and looking for reasons to feel it with what you’ve already got. And then watch how the world organizes around you with confirmation when you do. It’s pretty awesome.

So yep, you can get what you want… to feel. That’s entirely up to you, no thing or no one else. 🙂

Amy Eliza Wong is a life coach, writer, and speaker in the Sacramento, CA area committed to helping people figure out what makes them tick so they can finally live with joy and real purpose. Learn more about working with her.

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