I’ve not yet met one person that enjoys feeling fat. And I’ve met so many people that believe they are overweight that I’m clear there is no set standard on what feeling overweight really is. Yes, being fat can mean a BMI score, a number on the scale, or a pinch with a caliper, but what also tells us we’re overweight is a feeling.
Why? Because I reflect on my own experience and realize that it’s the only thing it can be. Some days I look at myself and know I’m great. Fittest I can be, best I’m feeling, and loving what I see looking back at me. I love what I see and feel.
Then there are the days that I look at myself and don’t like it. It feels sloppy, large, messy… just ugh.
But the weight is the same
The weird thing is, it’s almost always the case the scale reflects the same number in either situation. Sometimes my weight might be different by a pound or so but by and large, the trivial increase or decrease doesn’t measure up the drastic change in mood I experience. So what gives?
It’s true it’s uncomfortable to be fat. And it’s unhealthy. And by social standards it’s not ideal. But I believe these aren’t the REAL reasons I feel bummed out about feeling overweight.
Drum roll please…
What’s really going on is I’m experiencing a reflection of my lack of presence, or mindlessness, that has been my recent experience.
The only way I ever gain weight is if I overeat and drink too much. And this ONLY happens when I become mindless. Otherwise, when I’m mindful I can tell when I’m satisfied – food stops tasting so good, it’s uncomfortable to keep eating, and wine stops being so tasty. When mindful, I listen and follow my body’s needs. I feel fantastic. As a result, numbers mean nothing to me. I look in the mirror and LOVE what I see. It’s a true reflection of presence.
When I look at myself in the mirror and I DON’T like what I see, it’s because of what my physicality is representing. It’s mirroring back my recent need to check out.
It’s not the number on the scale that bums me out, it’s the “large” feeling I have that’s reminding me I’ve not been choosing mindfulness – presence with myself and others.
Yes, I sometimes relinquish mindfulness for “checking out.” Sometimes it’s easier to grasp for an activity or substance to sedate or control an emotional, mental, or physical reality I’ve got going on. With two small kids, a crazy busy husband, clients to coach, and a ridiculous schedule to manage, there are times I would rather have another glass of wine than go and meditate.
If I get stuck in this pattern for 3 days or more, my overall feeling starts to shift into a blubbery “ugh-ness.” I could convince myself it’s because I have more fat on my body (though it’s probably a pretty insignificant increase), but I know on all levels what’s REALLY going on.
The “ugh-ness” is remorse, shame, disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger, and fear that I’ve been choosing mindlessness over presence.
Trying to convince myself that it’s a number or a percentage is a lie.
By and large, feeling fat is awareness and remorse for choosing mindlessness because I’ve been choosing to avoid what is rather than be with it.
I share this for two reasons.
And at the end of it all, it’s really about self-love and compassion, right? Recognizing that this fat feeling isn’t really the fat but my state of consciousness immediately shifts my awareness into what’s truly real and worth my attention: what is right here, right now, and on purpose.
Do you agree?
If not, I encourage you to examine that uncomfortable feeling you take for feeling overweight. Is it really just the weight, or could it also be the reflection of your recent state of consciousness. A lack of self-discipline you say? I encourage you to go deeper – what is self-discipline really? Please comment below and share your experience. Thanks in advance for your generosity and bravery.