These things might seem unrelated, but imagine for a second what it feels like to:
Although these examples might appear dissimilar, they are all scenarios that cause anxiety.
Think of EVERYTHING in your life that gives you anxiety… whether it’s a relationship, a deliverable, an idea, or a remodel that’s taking longer than planned.
I’ll tell you right now it’s your frame of unintended focus that’s coloring your situation with distress. All you need to do is to wake up to what it is.
What do I mean?
It’s super simple and SUPER profound. Why? Because your stance determines your frame through which you look; its the value-laden context that infuses your situation with meaning and purpose. So many of us become habituated to certain frames we don’t even realize it, thus fail to realize we have the ability to change it.
What stance are you choosing to hold in every situation?
Overwhelmed with nervousness when speaking in front of people?
You’re most likely standing for looking good (your image) more than you’re standing for the objective that called you to speak in the first place.
Frequent overeating when you’ve committed to stay healthy?
You’re standing for immediate gratification (and numbing out) instead of your health and well-being – you’re choosing to stand for what you want in the moment over what you really want.
Unable to break up with a partner or friend who is unhealthy for you?
You’re standing for someone else’s feelings instead of your personal thriving and growth.
Continually fighting with your spouse and unable to have constructive collaborative communication?
You (or both) are standing for being right instead of standing for connecting and cultivating a strong sense of “we.”
Where this is personally hitting me right now… I’ve been overwhelmed from our new house remodel. Anxious about the chaos and inconvenience means I’m ultimately standing for order and control. Because the frame of “order” is typical for me (mild OCD tendencies, I won’t lie), I’ve been pissy and impatient and missing out on this camp-like adventure with my two children and husband who think it’s quite fun to eat dinner in the garage and finger paint with sheetrock dust. As soon as I realized what my stance had unknowingly been, I quickly shifted it to joy and excitement. This new stance doesn’t minimize the dust, but it sure does create more laughter and sweet memories!
If you’re tired of feeling confused, helpless, and/or anxious and would like to powerfully forge ahead – be it in work, life, or relationships – then get clear on your stance. When you’re really honest with yourself it changes everything. It’s amazing how a simple shift in focus can ground you in greater personal integrity and catalyze powerful momentum in a direction infused with fulfilling, meaningful purpose.
What are you standing for?
Always on purpose,
Amy Eliza Wong is a life coach, writer, and speaker in Sacramento and San Francisco, CA committed to helping people figure out what makes them tick so they can finally live with joy and real purpose. Learn more about working with her.