We all know about IQ, we’re hearing lots about EQ these days… now it’s time to learn about C-IQ. “Success” is such a loaded term. What it means to me is probably very different than what it means to you. But regardless of what it looked like for either of us, I bet we could agree on what it would feel like… expansive, abundant, generative, collaborative, connected… We don’t live in a vacuum, we exist in relationship. I’d go so far as to say it’s the multitude of relationships that not only defines our identity but the quality of our life. And what defines relationship? The communication that exists within it. I mentioned a while back that I was in the process of learning all things neuroscience about communication, and immersed in an emerging realm called Conversational Intelligence® (C-IQ). After a 7 month
10 simple listening tips to seriously improve ALL of your relationships Nothing like the holidays to impel a conversation about communication. Our lives and the quality of our existence are determined by relationships, which are defined by communication. Whether it’s relationship to self or relationship to many, whom you may or may not enjoy the company of, lots of us will be contending with the quality of communication over the next two weeks. So, moving into the new year and inspired by the many conversations I’ve been having over the last few weeks, I share 10 basic tips from a fabulous little read: A Little Book of Listening Skills by Jennifer Austin Leigh and Mark Brady Ph.D, that just may make all the difference for you this holiday season. I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard
Something I notice is how people transmit information, thinking they’re effective and diplomatic, when in fact the mode of delivery muddles the message sending all parties into assumption land. This week I address one of the most basic elements of human life: communication. Because the reality is, practically all conflict arises in relationship, and relationship is created in communication. Let me break it down: there are only 4 ways we communicate. At any point in time we’re delivering either a: Statement Question Request or Demand That’s it. Pretty straightforward when you think about it, but many times people unknowingly use one mode when they’re intending another. This is grounds for conflict. Why? We’re left having to interpret the message, inevitably leading to crossfire. “I see there are dishes in the sink.” Translation: “Can you please take care of your dishes in
Public speaking, a presentation, speaking up in meetings… if you’ve ever had to put yourself out there and found yourself nervous, then this week’s article is for you.
It’s pretty amusing to go through my inbox and Facebook feed in the morning. These are the sorts of things vying for my attention: Remove Bloat Once And For All 7 Steps To Better Sex 11 Reasons You Need a Relationship Detox 5 Keys To Becoming Irresistible Supercharge Your Day With These 8 Superfoods … yada yada Admittedly, I, too, play a part in the entertaining trend of hooking, and getting hooked, by captivating headlines. We’re all competing for your attention by being interesting. Because let’s face it, time is precious and “interesting” works. But not all the time. So, check this out… I just attended a conference last week and noticed the times I would meet someone and within minutes forget his or her name. Wtf? Why is it so hard to remember names? Is this a function of age? My 7
Feeling disappointed isn’t very fun. In fact, many of us do whatever we can to avoid it. We do this by not getting our hopes up, assuming the worst, and/or refusing to dream big. Because disappointment hurts. But guess what? It doesn’t have to. A friend of mine shared a distinction with me that has forever changed my view of disappointment. Ask yourself this: Is my disappointment from a failed expectation or from a failed agreement? Here’s the deal: disappointment is a function of expectation, and expectation is a funny animal. It’s either a shared vision between privy parties or a singular world of swirling assumptions. Disappointment is a possibility in either case. But we can decrease the frequency of painful/negative feelings simply by switching out expectation for agreement in our daily routine. Check it out: An expectation is an anticipation of how someone/thing
This week I’m getting on my soap box for a second because the past month has been rough for lots of us. Maybe it’s the mercury retrograde we’re in (doubtful) or maybe it’s because it’s the tail of the Horse year (less doubtful, but only because I like Chinese Astrology :). In my world, relationships have been going through some serious upheaval. After years of partnership, partners are making the brave move to be authentic and honest with themselves and consequently their partner. This effects change and can incite panic and despair. But panic and despair only because of the stories we’re telling. Regardless if it’s due to a relationship or not, any negative emotion we’ve got going on is because of the picture we’re painting in our heads. We’re storytellers. We recount our past, we describe our present, and we envision a